Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
