well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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