Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
