Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
