Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
3 2 1 whiskey
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
