he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
