He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like eating out sand paper
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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