I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
