I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
