I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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