I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
