If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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