I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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