I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
