Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
