and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found a bag of teeth...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
