i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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