i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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