Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
