Sry I called you an 8
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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