Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
