The maid of honor just puked.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
