you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
