Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
