he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
