I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
