I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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