I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
