Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
