Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
