honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
birth control should be required to get into college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
