I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
