i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
