You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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