i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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