is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
