Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
