i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
