Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
