He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
