I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
