Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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