it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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