Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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