So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My vagina is officially offended.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
