Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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