The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have so much sex to catch up on
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
