well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
