my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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