jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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