Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
