News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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