My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
