piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
