remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
