stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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